The Library® is a different kind of dating site.

What our members value most is the way people think, not the way they look.

Like anything that is new, it might take some time getting used to how The Library® works. Here are the answers to some questions that you might have…

What is The Library®?

The Library® is a safe space to meet new, like-minded people without compromising your privacy. 

You match with other members based on how you think, not on how you look.

As such, it represents a slower and more relaxed way of online dating.

Why does The Library® give me a username?

We are committed to your privacy. 

We know that when people create usernames online, they tend to incorporate something that is close or known to them. It might be where they live, their nickname, or some incarnation of their favourite “something”.

We want to do everything possible to keep your personal details safe until you are ready to share them. We think that’s really important in the modern dating game. As such, we generate a user-name based on the combination of a colour and a plant. When we run out of these options, we will choose another combination equally pleasing to the ear and on the eye!

How do I change my search preferences?

When you first sign up to The Library®, you choose the age range and gender of the members with whom you would like to match. These preferences can be changed any time in your Profile, which is in the Account section of your homepage.

In your profile, you can also enable browser notifications and leave The Library®.

Why do I have the option to search for “Both Men and Women”?

We know that for many people, their sexual identity is fluid. We also know that less than 30% of people who identify as bisexual are honest about their sexuality when they are dating or in a relationship with someone who doesn’t identify as bisexual.

When you choose to search for “Both Men and Women”, we will only match you with members who have chosen the same search preference. Therefore, when you match with another member you know that you are matching with someone who is being completely transparent about their sexuality. We think this honesty is a healthy thing and will help you get your relationship off to a good start.

However, you can of course alter your search preferences at any time.

What is an OR?

An OR is a daily question that we ask you. 

ORs are categorised in the same way a library catalogues its content, using the Dewey Decimal system. There are 7 main categories: 

Arts and Recreation

History and Geography

Philosophy and Psychology

Technology

Literature

Food and Drink

Place

Each Daily OR that you answer takes you closer to finding other members who see the world in a similar way to you, because our algorithm matches you with other members based on your answers to these Daily ORs.  

How can I answer the ORs that I have missed?

You can answer the last few weeks of ORs by opening the Daily OR drawer in your account homepage.

Why is my homepage organised into “drawers”? 

Drawers are used up and down the land to store the information that unlocks the magic within every library. 

The Library is no different. 

In your account homepage, you will see 5 drawers:

Daily OR: in this drawer, you can respond to as many of the ORs that we have released since we started as you want to. The more ORs you answer, the more good matches you will get.

Catalogue Cards: see below

My Answered ORs: in this drawer is a record of all of the ORs you have responded to. When you match with another member, they can see your OR responses and can use them to decide whether or not they might like to connect with you.

Matches Drawer: in this drawer are all the members of The Library with whom you are currently matching according to your preferences and OR responses. They are organised in rank order, so members at the top are those with whom you have the most in common.

Connections Drawer: in this drawer are all of the members with whom you have a connection. To create a connection, both members have to agree to connect with each other. You can chat, suggest a date or end the connection through this drawer. If you decide to end a connection, the member will return to your Matches Drawer.

What are Catalogue Cards?

Catalogue Cards are a way of telling other members about yourself. You can only see another member’s cards when you connect, and can use them to start potentially interesting conversations, the cornerstone of successful dating.

At the moment, there are 5 simple categories but we plan to expand how they function as we develop the site. You can alter the content on your Catalogue Cards at any time.

How do I connect with other members?

In your Matches Drawer, you will see all of the members with whom you have matched. Simply click on them in order to request a connection. They will be able to see your request in their Matches Drawer, and will also be sent an email to let them know you are reaching out to them. Only when they respond positively to your request will your connection be created. When you create a connection, each of you uses just 2 Library Stamps and that member goes into your Connections Drawer.

What happens if the member doesn’t respond?

We send a reminder email after 3 days if a member hasn’t responded to your request. If it has been a week, we then remove that connection request. The member will still appear in your Matches Drawer, and you can try again if you still want to connect with them.

How do I chat with other members?

You can chat with other Library members once you have connected with them by clicking on them in your Connections Drawer. Remember, at the point of entering a new chat, your privacy and identity has been carefully respected and preserved. Don’t compromise it too quickly – there is no additional cost to chatting and no need to give anything away too quickly. Take your time and move forward at a pace with which you are comfortable. 

Be kind and friendly, and if you feel someone hasn’t been that to you then you can report a breach of our terms and conditions, particularly our Chat Guidelines, in the Account section of your homepage.

What are Stamps?

Library Stamps are tokens that you use to connect with other members in The Library. As we develop the site, we intend to develop the functionality of Library Stamps so that you can earn and spend them in a variety of other ways too. 

Library Stamps have no value outside of The Library, cannot be traded and cannot be refunded. Please see our Terms and Conditions for more information.

How do I buy Stamps?

You can buy Library Stamps in the Account section of your profile. We use an external payment provider and do not store your payment details in The Library.

How do I end a connection?

Simply end a connection through the Connections Drawer. The member will then go to your Archive, where you can Unarchive them if you want to reconnect in the future.

How can I find out what’s new in The Library?

In the Account section of your profile, you will find a link to The Library Reading Room. Every day, we write about the Daily OR so that you can make an informed choice. We also write reviews of great places to meet up with new people, and other interesting dating content.

How can I give feedback?

We always welcome constructive feedback, and reward positive ideas with bonus Stamps. You can use the Feedback/Ideas section of your Account to share any idea that you think would help the development of The Library. You can also upvote the ideas of other members that you think are good..

What is your vision for The Library? 

The Library is a tiny start-up based on the Isle of Man – there are just 2 of us involved on a part-time basis. 

We are determined to make this something that becomes something we do full-time, but our growth might be slower than we’d like due to the following values that we will not compromise:

1. Whilst we have some advertising in The Library Reading Room, with banner ads for friendly companies with whom we have good working relationships, you will never be targeted with adverts for other products in The Library itself.
2. We will only ever collect a minimal amount of data from you – just enough to match you with like-minded people. Your privacy is priceless.
3. We will never knowingly pass on your data to other companies.
4. We do not make any money from affiliate links or any affiliations with other businesses.
5. We will only ever ask you to pay for your active engagement in The Library. If you are not using it or getting a benefit from it, we wouldn’t want you to pay for it.  As such, we advise you to purchase the smallest batch of Stamps, currently £5 for 10, to begin with.

In February 2024, we began to spread our wings, and launched in London and the south-east. Moving forward, we plan to reach out to other parts of the UK.

If what you have read has interested you, and you’d like to give The Library a go, please head over to here to register.